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Welcome To Camp Knotgonnahappen

Here at Camp Knotgonnhappen we’ve built a century long legacy never-before-been-backtested summer program filled with experiences focused around our one guiding principle: Nothing.

Established in 1920 right now, we at Camp Knotgonnahappen are committed to ensuring children of all ages are continually engaged in a vast array of activities which bring out the fundamental core values of our mission. Our programs are carefully designed to follow the strong beliefs encompassing the rituals and roots Camp Knotgonnhappen has firmly planted: Absolutely nothing.

On a daily basis, we at Camp Knotgonnahappen strive to live up to our credo,“The place where the walls close in.” You can count on us to do whatever it takes to make sure your child’s summer is packed with feelings and emotions of complete isolation and emptiness.

Traditionally, camp colors signify the strength and fortitude indicative of the brotherhood and sisterhood we stand behind. At Camp Knotgonnhappen that philosophy holds true. Knotgonnahappen proudly honors the two muted colors of Boring Beige and Basic Bone symbolizing the overall blasé aura encapsulating our camp environment. Simply put, Camp Knotgonnhappen bleeds beige & bone as we wave our banners of blahness at half-mast all summer long.

We are confident in our promise to do whatever it takes to live up to our given surname assuring your children a summer that’s, you guessed it…. Knotgonnahappen! 

What You Can Expect At Camp Knotgonnahappen:

  1. Laziness is a key component of our camp culture. Every day will be a late wake up.
  2. The first meal of the day will be served anytime between the hours of 11:30am-3:30pm.
  3. All meals to follow will be on a revolving door policy. The kitchen never closes.
  4. Canteen is also always readily available. While we can’t guarantee adult supervision to properly serve your camper, children will be allowed to rummage through the pantries at all hours of the day and night 24/7.
  5. Clean-up guidelines will be in accordance of our malaise-in-nature motto, pursuant to our overall unenthusiastic spirit. Messiness is welcomed as there will be no bunk-ordering. Ever.
  6. Towel service will in fact be provided however campers will not be required to hang them up after each use.  Instead, they will be expected to roll it up in a ball, preferably when wet, and throw it in the corner until a counselor comes to take it to our state-of-the-art laundry facility. Campers will have the option of requesting an unlimited amount of towels per day even if the one they’ve already used isn’t even dirty.
  7. Because we are equipped to efficiently adhere to the mandates of our complete isolation policy, we will maintain the minimum number of campers per bunk to ensure protocol measure are met. Average bunk size will be one camper per cabin. No exceptions will be made.

Camp Knotgonnahappen Programming:

Programming for our flagship facility is still being reviewed and finalized but to give you an idea of what we have planned, the schedule for a typical day may look something like this:

PERIOD 1 – Nothing

PERIOD 2– Again, Nothing

PERIOD 3– A Bit More Nothingness

MEALTIME– Campers must eat alone but will have the option to graze either on the couch, in their beds or hidden in a dark closet. Eating at the kitchen counter or dining room table is frowned upon. To avoid mental stimulation at even the most basic of levels, conversations and/or interactions with staff will be strictly prohibited.

REST HOUR- As a result of all the nothingness, campers will be required to rest in their cell for one hour before continuing the rigors of afternoon activities.

PERIOD 4- Clinics. Zeroing in on specifics of nothingness is the platform for all of our clinics. Additional information can be found in your enrollment packets on clinic offerings.

PERIOD 5– Choice Programs. This may sound redundant to our clinics but rest assured it’s entirely different. In our choice programs, campers may choose from their favorite activities. They will gain valuable life lessons while honing skills of independence. The choice program will prepare campers for real world scenarios. Options will include any of the above mentioned morning periods of 1, 2 or 3.

PERIOD 6-Free Period. Free period allows campers to continue their personal exploration. Our goal to help pave the way for campers to achieve their true passion is realized through Free Period. We strongly encourage campers to pursue solitude through this coveted Camp Knotgonnahappen experience.

EVENING ACTIVITIES: The magic of Camp Knotgonnahappen shines dimly with our broad narrow scope of evening activities. We offer a variety of depressing movies which allows individuals to dive into the essence of camp on their hand-held electronic devices. Nightly, campers will have the option to be shown entertainment keeping with the theme of isolation in conjunction with confined spaces. Lower campers will choose from feature films such as Bubble Boy, Home Alone and Castaway. Upper campers will be led down a darker path to better flex their sanity survival skills with flicks including but not limited to Panic Room, Into the Wild, The Revenant, The Martian, Life of Pi and Night of the Living Dead.

Special Events & Surprises:

At Camp Knotgonnahappen, we look forward to the special events and surprises that set us apart from other camps.

Our emphasis will not be the highly intense sports tournaments filled with camaraderie, or the incredibly creative Sing and/or Songfest competitions to show range and it certainly won’t include the extremely anticipated die hard competitiveness of Color War. Camp Knotgonnahappen will instead host a series of Xbox and Tik-Tok challenges. Winners will be judged based on how many hours of consecutive game play and music video lip syncing a camper can endure.

While the summer will conclude without a carnival, bon fire or a final banquet, all campers will receive certificates of participation for doing nothing. The Camper of the Year is the highest honor one can achieve at Camp Knotgonnahappen. Recognized as the sole camper whom most embodies the overall core values, beliefs and ethics of Knotgonnahappen by consistently role modeling these characteristics will earn The Pride of Nothing Award. There will not be an actual trophy or plaque ceremony, but a direct text message will be sent to the winner’s iPhone via Snapchat and Instagram. Device privacy features must be turned on so as to ensure this exciting announcement does not get shared with anyone other than the recipient.

With all of our planning and hard work, we’re confident this summer will be like none other; as it is destined to make a mark in world history! We look forward to giving your children a summer unequivocally packed with so much nothing that they’ll be kept busier than ever here at our beloved Camp Knotgonnahappen. We can’t wait to you soon!

 

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW….Camp Knotgonnahappen has recently been asked to partner with neighboring camps sharing our same core values and guiding principle of nothing. Though we do not anticipate ever engaging in any inter-camp tournaments or face to face socials we do feel aligning with these affiliates can only help strengthen our brand and overall mission. If you’re interested in learning more, please call and/or email to receive further information on our annexes,Camp Nothingtodo and Camp Nadawood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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9 responses to “Welcome To Camp Knotgonnahappen

  1. This is your best one yet! I’m crying and laughing because it is all so true. Please keep making us laugh all
    Summer.

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