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Corona Chronicles: Walk This Way

“…….She told me to
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
She told me to
Walk this way!
Talk this way!
Walk this way!
Talk this way!”
Congratulations on completing somewhere between our 6th and 8th week in quarantine. We made it!
I’m sure for most of us it’s fair to say we’ve begun [again and again and again] to notice the pattern of repetitiveness of our current lives. For me, I can honestly say I’ve kinda, almost, sorta, maybe, not really but I guess a little bit have settled into the daily routine of quarantine.
Beside the household run of the mill constant cooking and cleaning coupled with the grind of still having a job that allows me to work from home, the daily outdoor walks have definitely become part of a [mental] circuit training to keep my head above board throughout the Coronavirus pandemic.
What’s happened however, is the walk itself isn’t the only thing on a continual loop. The talk while on the walk has morphed into an entire loop of it’s own. How many ways can you say the same thing over and over again so it sounds different? Um, not many. Not many at all as evidenced by the conversations I find myself having day after day after day. To add insult to injury, I’ve now noticed the talking loop isn’t limited per walk per day. The talking loop has now multiplied within the very same walk.

To give you a better understanding, below is the latest transcript.

Corona Chronicles: Walk This Way

Frick: Via Text: Hey, you wanna walk?
Frack: Via Text: Yes. Def. I need it.
Frick: Via Text: You guys haven’t been around anyone, right?
Frack: Via Text: Of course not. You?
Frick: Via Text: No. Not at all.
Frack: Via Text: Ok. Good. Let’s walk.
Frick: Via Text: Ok, So when? Are you ready now?
Frack: Via Text: I’m finishing up work. Give me 10 minutes. Meet at the corner. Walk this way.
Frick: Via Text: K. Good.
[Several minutes later Frick and Frack are in sight. They continue to walk toward each other while still abiding by the six feet apart social distancing mandate.]
Frick: Hi.
Frack: Hi.
Frick: How are you? How’s it going?
Frack: Good. I guess. I mean, ya know. Fine. I guess. You?
Frick: I know. Same. Kinda losing it. But trying to be positive. Everyone feeling ok?
Frick: How are the kids? Are they doing ok? How was their day? Did they do school?
Frack: Yah. I guess. They’re up all night though playing that X-box. I think last night they played until 3AM.
Frick: I know. I think my kids too. It’s insane. And the online school thing is a joke. I don’t think they’re learning much.
Frack: Oh my God. I know. They’re done in like two hours. It’s a joke.
Frick: A joke. I really don’t care though. I’m more concerned about their mental well-being. They’re kinda going stir crazy. Are yours?
Frack: Yah. But, one sleeps until noon. He does the work but it doesn’t take him long at all. I don’t think he’s been outside once in well over a week. He needs some fresh air. The other one gets up earlier, but he’s also done in no time. It’s a joke. 
Frick: [Sigh] I know. I really don’t care though. I’m more concerned about their mental well-being. They need to get fresh air.
Frick: Oh, wait. I forgot to ask, are you watching Ozark?
Frack: Yes. Oh my God. It’s amazing.
Frick: Ruth’s nuts right? What episode are you on?
Frack: I’m almost done. I have two more. It’s sooooo good.
Frick: I know. I finished. I’m so jealous you still have a couple more. Tell me when you’re done so we can discuss.
Frack: Ok. What are you doing for dinner tonight?
Frick: Ugh. Dinner. It’s so annoying. The kids eat all day long. ‘Mom, can you make me breakfast? Mom can you make me a snack? Mom, what are we having for dinner? Mom, when can we pick up curbside at Houstons? I want those ribs.’
Frack: I know. I haven’t been out in days. Last week I did a big shop and I’ve been cooking every night. Tonight I’m making my homemade chili. Everyone loves it. I’m gonna have to do another shop probably tomorrow though. Have you been to Publix?
Frick: You’re walking too close to me. Move over a little. Walk this way.
Frack: Sorry. It was because of that lady who passed us on the bike.
Frick: I know, I know. It just makes me nervous. Some people say we shouldn’t even be walking. I mean, we’re more than six feet apart, right? Walk this way. Did you watch the press conference last night?
Frack: Oh my God. I know. What a shit show.
Frick: He’s a moron.
Frack: Beyond.
Frick: Fauci is the best though. He’s had it withTrump too; you can totally tell.
Frack: Who hasn’t? He’s completely gone mad. Idiot. Now he wants us to drink Clorox? And did you see the Mayor from Las Vegas? Was that even real? She’s out of her mind. How great was Anderson Cooper? 
Frick: Anderson’s the best. I love him. 
Frack: I’m losing it. Are you losing it? When do you think life will resume?
Frick: I’m losing it too. But we gotta pull it together. The kids hate to see me cry but yesterday I got emotional and I told them ‘I know this sucks but we truly have to make the best of it.’ I said, ‘Look at all this extra time we’ve picked up together. We never would have had that. We’re so lucky to be healthy.’
Frack: I know. I told someone yesterday too when we get back to life and we’re driving the kids to practices and tutors and are all over the place like crazy people we will wish we were home with nothing to do. We need to remember to be grateful.
Frick: Yup.
Frack: Did you mop the floor today?
Frick: I’m doing it after dinner.
Frick: Have you done any puzzles yet?
Frack: Nope. Not one.
Frick: Me either. But I made the kids homemade pancakes. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
Frack: So, what do you think about camp? Did you get a letter? We got a letter. It was really optimistic. Basically, camp’s opening. But things are changing daily so we still need to wait and see.
Frick: We haven’t heard anything new since the other letter last week. I think we have to wait and see. They laid out some options. I guess there’s like three scenarios. It’s either happening. Or it’s happening late. Or it’s not happening at all. Honestly, we really don’t know until the CDC comes out with the guidelines. I don’t know what will happen.
Frack: What are we going to do with our kids if there’s no camp?
Frick: Did you read that article I sent you about camps opening?
Frack: Yah. Did you read that other article I sent you?
Frick: Oh my God. How crazy was the Mayor of Las Vegas in that Anderson Cooper interview?
Frick: Wait, do you really think there won’t be camp? But how will we get them there though, if there is camp? Would you put them on a plane? I guess I would. Did you see the story about the guy on the Southwest flight? There were four flight attendants and he was the only passenger.
Frick: Did you pay for the trunks yet? When is yours due? I don’t want to miss out on the early bird discount if there is camp.
Frack: Now you move over. You’re too close. Walk this way. On the other side. Did your letter say anything about the refund policy?
Frick: Sorry. I know. Sorry. I’ll walk this way. When that guy walked by he didn’t even stop to move out of the way. What’s the protocol? Who’s supposed to move first? Is there a walking etiquette? He didn’t even look up. Geesh.
Frack: I try to wave and make eye contact when someone walks by to be friendly, but people aren’t that friendly. Are they friendly when you walk by?
Frack: Wait, hold on. That’s my phone. [Frack answers phone] ‘Yes. Yes. I’m walking now. Ok. Okayyy. Yes. We’re having chili. I already told you that. Ok. Have a snack. Bye.’
Frack: Ugh. [insert eye roll] He wanted to know when I would be back. He’s hungry. I told him to have a snack. I’m out walking.
Frick: Do you watch Ozark?
Frack: Yes. Oh my God.  It’s amazing.
Frack: So wait, what did your letter say about camp? I think if the kids are immediately tested when they get there and no one is allowed in or out and there’s no tournaments or trips or Visiting Day there’s a big chance camp can happen. Right?
Frick: No Visiting Day would be so great. 
Frick: We got a letter a while ago. They really haven’t said anything new yet because they’re waiting on the CDC guidelines. I don’t really understand how these camps can make it seem as if camp is on if they don’t have the guidelines yet. Do you think the camps can adhere to the guidelines? What did your letter say? Do they have test kits? It’s a tremendous liability for these camps. I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes right now. But, I mean, I don’t even think it will be their choice. The CDC guidelines will ultimately decide what’s gonna happen. I’d think they’d have to be at least in a Phase Two in order to open, right? I guess we’ll know more after May 15th. The letter said things are ever-changing so I guess we’ll have to wait and see what the guidelines say.
Frack: [Sigh] I don’t know. What are we going to do with our kids if there’s no camp? I guess we’ll know more after May 15th.
Frick: Yah. I guess they’re waiting on the CDC guidelines and then we’ll know more because things are ever-changing.
Frick: Thoughts on those masks with the luxury labels on them? 
Frack: Not into it. I bought a bunch of plain, cotton, regular masks that are washable. And for every one you buy, another mask gets donated.
Frick: Exactly. One of my friends in Manhattan just sent me a great article from the New YorkTimes which addresses the question, should masks be a fashion statement? Repurposing designer [or worse, knock-off designer] fabrics to make logo’d up masks….. well, I’m just not into it. I’ll send you the article. It’s great. 
Frack: Yah. Me either. Send me the article. I want to read it. So what other shows are you watching?
Frick: I watched Unorthodox. Loved it. I’m saving Fouda though. If I start it now, I won’t have anything to watch. I’m almost done with Homeland. It’s the last season of the series. It’s amazing. Are you caught up? I also started Hunters on Amazon. I tried to get into it. I like Al Pacino but I couldn’t stick with it. I found it disturbing. Do you watch Ozark?
Frack: Fouda is amazing. We started it already. Yes, we’re caught up on Homeland. Can’t wait for the finale. Yah, we didn’t love Hunters either, but the ending? Wow. Didn’t see that coming! Watching Ozark now. Ruth is amazing.
Frick: Oh, so can you just tell me how Hunters ends then? I’m not gonna watch. But oh wait, the Michael Jordan documentary, The Last Dance; it started last week. I’m watching that now too. You should check it out as a family. The kids will like it.
Frack: Oh my God, did I tell you? So you know I love my husband. He’s the best. Really. He does so much, like everything; but the one area he just doesn’t do is kitchen stuff. At all. It’s just not his department.
Frick: That’s not his column.
Frack: Exactly. So I needed some stuff at Publix and he actually offered to go. I gave him a list. It wasn’t a lot but I asked him to get apples.
Frick: Yah….So?
Frack: So guess what kind of apples he got?
Frick: Oh no. He didn’t?
Frack: Yup.
Frick: He didn’t?
Frack: Yup. He did.
Frick: He got Red Delicious?
Frack: Bingo! I mean, who the fuck eats Red Delicious?
Frick: No one. Nobody eats Red Delicious. They’re gross; so mealy. Did they have those four profound points on the bottom? Are you even going to eat them?
Frack: Yah, of course it had the points. And I’m definitely not eating them. I know he meant well, but really? Who eats Red Delicious apples?
Frick: [a block and a half later still cracking up]
Frack: [phone rings again] ‘Okay, yes. I’m coming. What time is it? I left over an hour ago? Okay. I’m coming. I’m coming. Okayyy.’
Frick: He’s starved? Okay, let’s wrap it up. I’m glad we walked. Needed to break a sweat. If you hear anything later about camp, let me know.
Frack: Definitely.
Frack: But I don’t think we’ll know more until the guidelines come out.
Frack: But I could be wrong. So if you hear anything later about camp, let me know.
Frick: Definitely.
Frick: But you’re probably right. I don’t think we’ll know more until the guidelines come out.
Frack: Okay.
Frick: Okay.
Frack: You wanna walk tomorrow?
Frick: Definitely 
Frack: Okay. I’ll text you.
Frick: Okay. Text me.
Frack: I’m gonna finish the last two episodes tonight of Ozark. I can’t wait. Ruth is amazing.
Frick: You watch Ozark?
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW……  “Are you there God? It’s Me, Margaret Ruth. I don’t know shit about fuck but I know these bitches are dying to see the goddamn CDC guidelines.”       
photo credit:


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11 responses to “Corona Chronicles: Walk This Way

  1. Yup! Totally relate, dogs look at me like I’m crazy at this point when I grab their leashes. Thank you for chronicles and all your posts, they help so keep them coming xo

    1. Love it! Love RUTH! Fav character of all time & just saw her in another show with a normal accent ! The camp convos were priceless & “you’re walking too close” ???

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