COVID-19 Unpolished Update #3 : WORLD, HOLD ON!

Bob Sinclar gets it right.

World, hold on. 

Instead of messing with our future 

Open up inside. 

Etc. Etc. Etc.

So let’s do that. Let’s open up. The music inspires us to look inside for an opportunity to find a deeper love, the kind that only comes from high above.

I hope you listened. The song’s a good one; a blast from the past and sure to perk us all up when we need it most.

Like right now!

With the exception of buying a puppy, I’m doing whatever it takes to stay positive and upbeat, hence Bob’s song which is an improvement of mass proportions to what I initially had in the cue. CLICK HERE FOR PINK FLOYD’S, COMFORTABLY NUMB. I quickly snapped out of it because I realized if we still have several more weeks of isolation madness the Hello? Hello? Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me schtick will be better served down the road.

So while we’re all worrying more about how we’re doing physically (can you describe the ruckus shortness of breath?) and have not yet fully lost our mental marbles from the insanity which is our current lives as we know it, let’s catch up on what’s been doing since Coronavirus has halted us into a World, Hold On situation.

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10 Reasons Why We’re In A World, Hold On Situation:

10. I’m sure I’m not alone in the calls and texts to friends and family members gauging each other’s health status. My throat’s been sore. I’m not coughing but it’s definitely scratchy. I know, me too; but it’s allergy season. Do you have a Zyrtec®? Maybe take a Zyrtec®. Is your breathing labored? Sort of. My chest does feel tight. Does yours? It could just be stress. I tried holding my breath for ten seconds to see if I could do it without collapsing. I know, me too. I tested my lung capacity by walking up the steps with a laundry basket full of clothes while holding my breath. I did it, but I had to rest afterwards. Did you take your temperature? Should I take my temperature? Gosh, do you think you have CV?  Why are you whispering? World,Hold On. We are now a nation of hypochondriacs.

9. How many walks can a person take in one day? Yesterday I took three. It’s becoming a contest around here. Wanna walk? I already walked this morning. So what. Take another. It’s good for you; ya know, the fresh air. C’mon let’s walk at dusk; it won’t be that hot and then we’ll have a glass of wine. Okay, but I did two walks earlier with my kids and an outdoor bootcamp before anyone woke up. I guess I could do one more walk, but let’s make it a casual stroll cuz tomorrow morning I have to do the Ten Pushups Challenge on Instagram.

8. If you take sixteen walks a day and you wave to your neighbors at the start of each day, do you have to continue the wave and say hello every time thereafter? It’s getting very annoying. We’ve already said our hellos. I’ll see you tomorrow and we can say hello again then. There’s nothing to even talk about. World, Hold On it’s the same thing every damn day. Hello? Hello?  Hello? Is there anybody in there? YES, for now there is. I said hello to you twelve times already and it’s only noon. I have zero news to report. I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time, same channel, same six feet under apart.

7. Nobody knows what day it is. And nobody cares. Some of us started to flatten the curve before others, but suffice to say those of us who started late, [Floriduh] have likely caught up in the fattening the curve category. Day Six. Day Nine. Day World, Hold On, Today Is Not The Day To Try On Your Skinny Jeans. Polly want a cracker danish?

6. One thing the World, can Hold On to is our ever growing love handles. Coronavirus has got nothing on our appetites. There may not be a scholastic schedule in my household but there certainly is a feeding schedule and we’re sticking to it! Breakfast. Brunch. Snack. Lunch. Late Lunch. Snack. Leftovers from brunch. Afternoon grazing on whatever we missed from lunch. Late afternoon happy two hours. Snack while contemplating what’s for dinner. Official drink before dinner. Dinner. Post dinner graze. Evening nightcap. World, Hold On. I am so fat.

5. To keep the laughter flowing as heavily as the wine, I do hope you’ve been sharing some of the really, really, really funny stuff floating around the Internet with your circle of trust. Amongst my various friend groups it’s been a saving grace to let off steam with the memes and videos. Little is better than filthy language, savage quarantine humor and toddler exploitation by their very own parents. Poor Layla. She’s having a day.

4. Since last week I mastered how to initiate a Zoom meeting but I’ve fallen behind on TikTok. That’s out of the realm of possibilities for me. I’m bowing out before I even dive in, but feel free to keep sending me links to the funny stuff. Like this one:

CLICK HERE

3. Dissension amongst the ranks no more! Finally, the divorced people in the World [can] Hold On as we get the last laugh! Never have exes across the globe gotten along more smoothly. Unpolished surveys suggest open communication, aligned thought processes and agreement when it comes to the safety and well-being of the kids during crisis and overall better respect and balance without any notion of marital reconciliation has exponentially skyrocketed between ex-spouses while married people are dropping like flies. Those couples who might have been outwardly asymptomatic to the toxic virus known as their marriage now have nowhere to hide. Coronavirus gives new meaning to “until death do us part.”

2. Two words: Andrew Cuomo. Slam dunk in the popularity polls, right? He’s become our Coronavirus Joan of Arc and his heroism gets stronger with each passing day. That said, World, Hold On because with each of those passing days I can’t help but to think he looks alarming more and more like  Al Pacino as Jimmy Hoffa in The Irishman.

Pacino Above

Cuomo Below

If Cuomo enlisted his ex, Sandra Lee as a member of the Teamsters, maybe she could whip up a semi-homemade vaccine for Covid-19! I’m sure the Union World [would] Hold On to that!

 

1.Two other words: Chris Cuomo. Nobody puts baby [brother] in the corner. I love you too. Call me.

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…. We are all rooting for Dr. Fauci to find a medical cure for COVID-19, but until then laughter is still the best medicine so keep your sense of humor hydrated and remember these last three words: World, Hold On!