Obsessed… But Not Impressed!

Once a junkie… Always a junkie.

I have many vices, but for the purpose of this blog I’m focusing specifically on only one of them; That being my obsession with online games.  You would think when history starts to repeat itself, I’d learn from previous experiences, right?  Obviously that’s a rhetorical question.  Not this junkie.  I’ve learned zilch!  Zero!  Nada!

The compulsive craze started a few years back when Zynga became a household name.  I’ve stopped keeping track of how many Words With Friends wins I have under my belt though I’d bet my points on the Triple Letter J on a Triple Word Score it’s gotta be in the thousands by now.

Since I have a passion for broadening my knowledge of new vocabulary and I’m always anxious to quench my competitive thirst, I’ve been able to justify this addiction by convincing myself that WWF is an educational way to spend time.  The way I see it, I’m killing two birds with one stone so technically it’s a win-win!   I’ve also managed to believe it’s perfectly normal to take a picture of my highest scoring word and text it to my WWF arch rival just for the sake of bragging rights.  I really need to get a life!

Although I have not lost the desire to feed my brain with fresh verbiage, lately I’ve been distracted.  Based on the increased number of nudges reminding me that it’s my turn to make a move, there is no denying I have in fact, neglected my worthy opponents.

If asked what could possibly spark my interest enough to divert my attention away from the game that I love so much, I’d have no other choice but to reply with these three words:

CANDY. CRUSH. SAGA.

As if being addicted to real candy wasn’t bad enough, now I’m hooked on a ridiculous electronic game centered around crushing candy pellets? (Also rhetorical) I honestly have no idea how this happened.  I thought I had made a conscious decision to ignore the texts and delete all requests from friends who were trying to lure me in.  I thought the addict in me (admitting it is the first step) wanted no part of this hysteria. 

 I could tell by the sudden pleas for help to unlock stuff and give lives to people and whatever other gibberish was cluttering up my Facebook News Feed that it meant this Candy Crush phenomenon was definitely all the rage but I didn’t care because I was a WWF loyalist and I wasn’t budging.  I knew I couldn’t let myself get sucked into the madness.  I was proud of myself for avoiding temptation. 

I swear I clicked delete.  I mean, I knowwww I clicked delete.  Um, I’m pretty sure I clicked delete.  Could I not have clicked delete?

 Well, I guess I didn’t click delete because without even realizing it, this happened:

I could tell things were getting progressively worse and it was happening at lightening speed.  I didn’t even understand the purpose of the game, yet here I was invested and asking questions as if the answers actually mattered.

And then this happened:

And before I knew it, this happened:

What upsets me the most isn’t that I caved and it isn’t even that I’m obsessed.  I’m an addict… What did you expect?  What bothers me is that the game is soooo stupid that I have no way to justify why I play.  I can’t come up with a single example how this game is useful or helps to improve any facet of my life.

 THE GAME DOESN’T IMPRESS ME AT ALL.  IT’S MINDLESS.

I’M DIZZY.

 I THINK IT’S MAKING ME COLOR BLIND!  

 At least with WWF, I can validate my point by subtly incorporating newly learned words into my daily dialogue.  C’mon, doesn’t everyone use words like Jo and Qi and Zax when they are talking to their elementary school aged kids?

Speaking of kids, here’s my saga about Candy Crush Saga that absolutely kills me:

I consider myself to be fairly bright.  I’m not a rocket scientist, but I can hold my own.  I come from the Vince Lombardi old school mentality where “Winners Never Quit And Quitters Never Win.”  I pride myself on trying my best at everything I do not just because I hate to fail but because victory tastes so much sweeter when you’ve worked hard for it.  That said, buying 99 cent “lives” from iTunes to assist me in moving forward is not an option!  Halting the game for a mandatory period of time before being eligible to resume play is probably the dumbest rule I’ve ever heard of, but I’ll be patient and wait my turn.  There’s only so much stalking I can do on Facebook to ask other people to rescue me.

Keeping all that in mind,  do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be stuck on the same level over and over and over again with no clue nor any better an understanding of how to beat the board while every other seven-year-old kid I know is blowing through higher levels at a record pace?  No need to answer that.  It’s rhetorical!

I’ve been playing this idiotic game for twenty-six straight days.  There’s no end in sight.  I’ve barely caught my breath from Lemonade Lake and I don’t even remotely know how to tackle the current hurdle that is Level 33.  It may very well be the death of me.

I barely sleep as it is, but when I do candy is the last thing I see before I shut my eyes and that’s just unacceptable.  There are a million things I’d rather visualize before I shut my eyes and rainbow colored candy is not one of them!

As I junkie, I know I still have a ton of work to do in order to complete the maze of this Candy Crush Mania so I can win the big prize of nothing… But as a human being who wants to preserve whatever ounce of mental sanity I may have left, I can recognize when it’s time to bow out gracefully.  If I don’t shut it down now, I think we all can agree what is bound to happen next:

SO… JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…  Maybe I have learned a thing or two after all.  I can’t dumb it down with mindlessness any longer.  I’m deleting the game and erasing it from my life.  Excessive amounts of candy can be hazardous to your health.  It also causes cavities.  This addict can only handle one online game at a time so I’m making a choice and choosing to turn all my junkie attention back to where it rightfully belongs.   If I’m gonna get Carpal tunnel syndrome, it should at least be worth it!  To all my WWF warriors out there:  I’ve missed you!  I’m ready!  Let’s play!