This will be the easiest game of Jeopardy you’ve ever played. I’ll be Alex Trebek. You can be the contestant. I’ll give you the “answer” and then you can try to figure out the “question.”
There will only be one category, that being:
SPRING BREAK 2014.
Let’s get started:
Answer: 4:30am wake-up call. 6 pieces of checked luggage. 4 pieces of carry-on luggage. 2 different airplane flights. 2 overly excited children who have never seen real snow before. $45.00 for four egg and cheese sandwiches from Bojangles’ Famous Chicken ‘n Biscuits while waiting for the flight crew in Atlanta. Telling the kids 12 times not to bang the seat back trays on the plane because the woman in front of us is close to losing her mind and obviously hates our guts. Secretly telling myself 12 times that I hate the woman sitting in front of us and wishing I had the balls to say it to her face. 1 super cool driver from Rocky Mountain Express waiting for us at the baggage claim at Eagle Airport. 1 trip to Safeway to stock up on groceries for the week. 1 quick stop to the nearest dispensary… (we’re in Colorado folks… it’s legal!) 7 trips up and down the elevator to get all of our shit into the condo. 1 bottle of Xanax and plenty of alcoholic beverages.
Question: What does it take to get a family of four from Boca Raton, Florida to Vail, Colorado?
Answer: 2 kids waking up at 4:30am because they think it’s 6:30am east coast time. Getting complaints from the concierge because the children are too loud. Having 3 separate meals before 8am. Observing the kids see snow falling from the sky. Setting off the smoke alarm by accident before 9am. Explaining 5 times to a six year old how to put on a pair of gloves. Explaining 5 times to an eight year old how much he will LOVE ski school. 1 bus ride, 4 lift passes, 1 gondola ride, 3 tickets for tubing at Adventure Ridge. $20.00 for a picture of unidentifiable kids in a tube to memorialize the experience. Lunch at the top of the mountain. French onion soup for the second time in two days. Getting the kids into their ski boots. Wishing I had ordered myself a cocktail BEFORE getting the kids into their ski boots. Hearing multiple times throughout the day “I have to go to the bathroom” seconds after the kids’ jackets are zipped and gloves finally on. Hearing multiple times throughout the day: “I’m not wearing this hat. It’s itchy. I hate these gloves. These boots hurt. I’m cold. I’m hungry. What time is the Heat game on? Will we get to watch the basketball game here? I don’t like this hat either, Mom. It has a tag. My nose is running. I loved tubing. The hot chocolate is too hot to drink. I can’t wait to ski. Are you staying with us at ski school? I can’t wait for ski school, but I’m feeling a little nervous about it. What’s for dinner? I’m tired. What time is it in Florida? Can we stay up late tonight? Do I have to take a shower? I’m not tired anymore. How many days will we get to ski? Can we call Grandma? I’m hungry. Look, it’s snowing again! Are we coming back next year? We should get a house here.”
Question: What is an accurate description of the first day of a snow vacation for 2 Boca kids as described by their Mother?
Answer: The patience of a Saint. Drugs and alcohol. A great sense of humor and eight katrillion dollars.
Question: What do you need to have in order to take your kids on a ski trip?
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… I’m a gambling kind of gal, but this time I’m just not sure how to place my bet. Taking your Floridian kids skiing for the first time is a real crap shoot! Do I go ALL IN in hopes that the kids will be shredding it up by the end of the week or do I FOLD my hand now anticipating that these born and bred beach bums won’t be able to handle the conditions? As of right now, it’s too soon to know for sure. In the meantime I plan to be ripping it up on the slopes before I have to pick them up at ski school. How will it all go down? Your guess is as good as mine!