“Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein
The state of being seriously mentally ill; madness; something that is very foolish or unreasonable. – Merriam-Webster
JUICE CLEANSES. – Silver Unpolished
I’M CERTIFIABLY INSANE
Just in case I didn’t already know it, now I have the support of Albert Einstein to confirm my belief that I must be certifiably insane! When you engage in the same behaviors time after time after time expecting a different result you are by definition, insane! Yup, that’s me!
Merriam-Webster agrees but somehow makes me feel slightly less deranged suggesting by definition, that my insane behavior is just very foolish or unreasonable.
IT’S YOM KIPPUR TIMES THREE
Why fast for one day when you can fast for three? For me, being on a juice cleanse is not as miserable as Yom Kippur… It’s worse! Three times worse to be exact. I love food abnormally more than any person should, so eliminating it from my diet for three days is pure torture. I love to crunch food, chew food and take big bites of food.
Unfortunately, there is none of that while juicing. The only thing that you get to do on a juice cleanse is drink juice. You know how challenging it can be to stay enthusiastic about gulping liquid dandelion for the umpteenth time? MMMMMM. Dandelion. Yummmm! If you’re as hungry as me, then I trust you can taste the sarcasm.
IT’S NOT THE CLEANSE’S FAULT
In fairness, I can’t dog on the actual product. It’s not the juice’s fault! I researched a few different companies before deciding which cleanse would be right for me. Ultimately, I chose the Three-Day Cleanse from My Organic Juice. The juices are 100% raw, cold pressed and organic. The juices are bottled in glass, so even if you’re starving while cleansing, helping to reduce your carbon footprint by recycling will make you feel great! The Three-Day Cleanse includes six juices a day, so that’s a total of eighteen bottles. Oh, and here’s the best part… The juice is delivered right to your doorstep. It’s like waking up on Christmas morning and finding a present under the tree; Except in actuality it’s not a diamond necklace, a beautiful new sweater or a hot pair of shoes. It’s just….juice. But still.
DETOX TO RETOX?
For me, the problem with juicing is that when the hunger gets out of control around day two-and-a-half, my mind starts to play tricks on me. I’m pretty sure they call that hallucination! I swear I saw a Bloody Mary with bacon floating in front of my eyes! When that happens the mental flood gates open and everything gets shot to shit! I can’t help but to imagine all the things that would taste delicious with that cocktail the second the cleanse is done. Pancakes, syrup, breakfast potatoes, and obviously, MORE BACON! I guess the purpose of the cleanse is to detox so that I can retox all over again! Hence, the vicious cycle continues and I’ve proven the definition correct. I am insane!
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… As much as I bitch and moan that the juice cleanse is torture…. and as much as I say over and over that I’m never doing it again…. obviously I’m lying. Of course I’m doing it again. I’ll convince myself that the next time will be different. I’ll tell myself I will stick to clean eating afterwards so that the cleanse won’t be completely for naught. I’ll remind myself how worthwhile it will be to get rid of all the crap in my body for good! I’ll look in the mirror and say, “This time will be different.” Of course I’ll be lying, because I know within a few short meals of that eighteenth bottle, I’ll be right back to my carb loading, fried food eating and alcohol drinking ways. How do I know all this? I know this because I’m insane and that’s what insane people do. They repeat the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If you don’t believe me, ask Albert Einstein. He’ll back me up!