I was dieting the other day. My eating had been clean since breakfast, which for me is a tremendous accomplishment.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. I glanced at the clock; it read 4pm. I opened the door and to my unpolished surprise I had received a big box of fresh, homemade, insane cookies from my new friends at Insane Cookies.
Soooo about that diet? Yah well, it was fun while it lasted!
I mean, could you pass up a container of cookies that were called Insane Cookies? I didn’t think so; and why in the world would anyone want to pass up a container of cookies that are called Insane Cookies?
I rest my case.
These insane bakers have concocted over forty unique, gourmet flavors of insane cookies and are constantly reinventing the wheel in order to wow cookie lovers everywhere. The variety is insane. The names that they’ve branded the cookies with are insane and most importantly, the cookies literally taste… you guessed it, INSANE!
The first cookie I managed to slam down was called Feeling Blue because the lemon dough was mixed with white chocolate chips and blueberries. The only reason I felt blue after scarfing the whole thing was because I didn’t want just one… I wanted two!
I quickly got over the blues when my eyes locked in on the Cannibal Cookie. I was so psyched to take a bite out of that one; but to be perfectly honest, it was because I initially thought the label said Cannabis! Nevertheless, the Cannibal Cookie held up on the insanity chart with its classic cookie dough, oreo chunks and mini chocolate chips. The cookie was so good, it didn’t need the cannabis to make me high. I was tripping on deliciousness!
It warmed my unpolished heart that the ladies from Insane Cookies hand selected the Party Animal Cookie just for me! I guess they had done their unpolished homework and deducted from reading my blog that I’d do just about anything to get my mouth on a whiskey infused cookie with chunks of bacon and potato chips baked in. For the savory lovers out there, let it be known it certainly was a party in my tummy. So yummy! So yummy!
I suppose the Cookie Counselors also figured out I’m
a complete and utter somewhat of a thrill seeker or else it would’ve been a crazy coincidence that the Thrill Seeker Cookie happened to be included in my special delivery. The big thrill I got to seek in my beak was a cookie made out of chocolate brownie dough smothered with green mint M&Ms and chocolate covered mint pretzels. Think of it like a Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie on crack. But butter. I mean, better! A lot better!
You gotta take my unpolished word when I tell you that I didn’t even care about my Mommy Issues as I bit into the Mommy Issues Cookie which consisted of a simple yet classic chocolate chip cookie.
The only Identity Crisis I faced after eating an entire Identity Crisis Cookie (peanut butter dough with chocolate chips, peanut butter chips and mini Reese’s cups) was how I’d be able to bullshit myself into believing it was perfectly normal to eat the entire box of cookies while saving only the crumbs for my own little cookie monsters!
Insane Cookies: The name fits…. Even if my pants now don’t!
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… Obviously I’m an unpolished Dirty Pig (chocolate brownie dough with bacon and brown sugar) and a Masochist (spicy chocolate brownie dough with chocolate chips and red pepper jelly) for being over-Indulgent (caramel dough with chocolate chips and peanuts). At least I’m not in Denial (buttery sugar cookies topped with extra sugar crystals) and I don’t have Delusions of Grandeur (classic dough with white chocolate chips, macadamia nuts and caramel bits).
I’m fully aware that I’m Simply Nuts (peanut butter dough with macadamia nuts peanuts and walnuts) and Twisted (marbled chocolate and strawberry dough with white chocolate chips) when it comes to my Oral Fixation (peanut butter dough with peanut butter chips)!
I’ll admit it was Flaky (rich chocolate brownie dough topped off with lightly toasted coconut flakes) of me to be a Temperamental (classic dough with butterscotch chips and pretzel sticks) Diva (chocolate brownie dough with mini M&Ms) but I’m hoping my kids can be Apathetic (marbled chocolate and caramel dough with pecans and caramel bits) and not Easily Embarrassed (raspberry dough with jumbo dark chocolate chips) by my Juvenile Delinquent (strawberry dough with peanut butter chips) behavior!
I promised them that we can all be Time Travelers (root beer dough with white chocolate chips) so when the next batch of Insane Cookies shows up at our door, I will be the Wallflower (cinnamon oatmeal dough with raisins and walnuts) and they can be the ones Pigging Out (classic dough with bacon and chocolate chips)!
Don’t be a Procrastinator (coffee flavored dough with white chocolate chips)! Check out Insane Cookies today and let them know the unpolished Insomniac (coffee flavored dough with extra espresso powder and jumbo dark chocolate chips) sent you!
7 responses to “INSANE COOKIES: The Name Fits………… Even If My Pants Now Don't!”
Cute “just to let you know” — now where’s the milk for this G rated blog?????? Is the next entry about Snow White or Cinderella?
I looked through your Blog for the link to the Lipo I will now need after seeing these amazing cookies. Yumm. We should get them ALL and do some tastings. Did I mention ALL of them!!! Humbly yours scott
i did get to eat a few bites, and I have to agree they were “unpolishedly delicious”! 🙂
Omg!!! I can’t believe u didn’t save me one!
Yummy yum!Sounds unpolishedly delicious!
This is food porn!
#UnPolishedFoodPorn for sure. I admit I thought the same thing about the Cannibal cookie but then thought, “How would that be legal?” Well……maybe in Colorado! LOL These cookies ARE insane… wait… that’s the name.