And so it goes. Another week over. Done. In the books. For me, it was a hectic one but aren’t all my weeks hectic? Here’s a little debriefing of some of the unpolishedness.
1. Fourth Grade Math Is Straight Outta Confusing
When it comes to fourth grade math, it’s a good thing my kid doesn’t depend too heavily on his unpolished Mom. He usually can bang out all the homework without any assistance. He’s got a knack for numbers, which I thought he inherited from me until this week when he asked for help. “Mom, I think I know how to do this one, but can you just check it for me? Can you make sure I got it right?” I could feel myself beginning to perspire before even looking at the problem for fear I wouldn’t have a clue what to do. I hoped the sound of fake confidence in the tone of my reply was not transparent. “Sure Babe. I love math. Lemme see it.”
There was nothing fake about the temper tantrum that came next. To be clear, it wasn’t my son’s temper tantrum. It was sooo totally and completely my temper tantrum (although he was pissed I wrote all over his paper in pen). I had a fucking fit not only trying to figure out the cockamamie word problem but also trying to figure out how to explain it properly. Fourth grade math makes no sense. None at all. I’d sooner take a bullet for my kid before I’d take another crack at his math homework. “Sorry Bud. I think I’m making it worse; not better. You got any writing assignments you want me to review? That’s more up my alley!”
2. SPOTTED Straight Outta Spain
Move over Hollywood Foreign Press; there was a real international unpolished spotting this week! The streets of Barcelona will never be the same after my friend Jen hit the city running! To be honest, I think the more accurate story is she hit the curb running while trying to take these shots and practically got plastered by oncoming traffic! Jen, I’m glad you’re back safe and sound. Olé!
3. Straight Outta I LOVE YOU BUT….
This week one of my dear friends came by the house. After using the guest bathroom she pulled me aside and said, “Rach, I love you but on my way to the bathroom I caught a glimpse of your office. It made me claustrophobic. It’s a mess. How do you work in there? I love you but you need to organize. Clean it up!” Okay so first of all, I like my clutter. It gives me inspiration; and my unpolished space happens to be my favorite spot in the whole house. Second, I don’t remember asking for her opinion. However, with that being said, I probably should have closed the door before she arrived if I didn’t want input from the peanut gallery. Additionally, I love that my girlfriend was comfortable enough to give it to me straight because her unpolished plea for me to clean up surprisingly worked! That night I was motivated to push some piles around and regroup!
In doing so, I came across two of my all-time favorite pictures of my folks. Ironically, last week my Mom and Dad celebrated a major marital milestone and the pics I found truly depict much more than any thousand words I could write. I’ll probably get punished for this public display of pride because they are in fact pretty private people, but I’m unpolishedly proud of my parents so I’ll take my chances. I mean, what’s the worst either of them can do? Call me up and say, “Rach, I love you but……”
4. Straight Outta…. You’re Killing Me Smalls
“You’re Killing Me Smalls,” the line from the movie Sandlot is on my top ten list of classic movie lines! When your frustration level [as it relates to your children in public] is at maximum capacity, this phrase gets the job done without having to break out the R rated language. Need an example? How about when you take your seven year old with you to the nail place because it’s an early release day and you’re trying to kill two birds with one stone and save time because you have a fundraiser to go to and in desperate need of a manicure. Your son says, “Mom can I pick out the color?” To which you reply, “No. Not this time; but if you read the bottom of all the bottles and find the one that says Lincoln Park After Dark it can count toward to your thirty minutes of reading homework. Find that color and bring it to me.” If I had known what was about to happen next, I would have gone to the fundraiser unpolished. NO PUN INTENDED!
Well, he certainly did find the right color. And then I found the entire bottle of nail polish unpolishedly spilled and shattered all over the floor. It was next level unpolishedness! I was at a loss for words with the exception of,“You’re Killing Me Smalls!”
5. Straight Outta Ugghhh I Can’t Believe It’s Almost Halloween
As a child, Halloween was always my least favorite holiday. Boo, I know; but it’s the truth. I lived in a neighborhood predominately of Sephardic Jews whom unlike myself, did not observe the traditional festivities of dressing up in costume and gorging on Twix and 100,000 Grand Bars. I have little to no memories of my doorbell ringing and kids yelling, “Trick-or-Treat!” For the record, you wouldn’t have missed much at my house had you rang my doorbell. We were the house that gave out little boxes of California Sun-Maid Seedless Raisins and some literally unpolished pennies in lieu of candy. How lame is that? Now as an adult, I can’t help but to think Halloween is synonymous with words like disdain, contempt and ugghh!
BUT….. this year I’m flipping the script! I’m trying unpolishedly hard to embrace the creepy holiday and wrap my head around having some fun for the sake of my kids! A few days ago I went shopping to decorate the outside of the house. It may not be a big deal to you, but this was a huge feat for me! I promise if you come ringing my door there’ll be no raisins! Raisinettes, maybe! But rest assured, no raisins!
6. Straight Outta THINK PINK ROCKS!
This week I attended the Boca Raton Regional Hospital Foundation’s 12th Annual Go Pink Luncheon in support of Stephanie Robin; my beloved friend, Think Pink Rocks sponsor and braver than brave cancer survivor!
‘The Go Pink Luncheon is the signature event of the Go Pink Challenge, a community based initiative that raises funds and awareness for the Christine E. Lynn Women’s Health & Wellness Institute/Center for Breast Care at Boca Raton Regional Hospital. The event emphasizes the importance of screenings and early detection, and encourages women to take a proactive role in safeguarding their own health.’
Emmy and Tony award winning actor and in my opinion one of the funniest comedians to take the stage, Martin Short, was the Keynote Speaker. He moved me to tears with his personal story of love and loss, as Breast and Ovarian Cancer took the lives of both his Mother and his wife. Martin Short inspired me with his words of wisdom and additionally he had me in stitches with his comedic genius.
Not only do real men stand up to cancer but they proudly wear pink to show their support, as evidenced by a young man we met at the event. He is unpolishedly wearing his pink loud and proud!
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…. The week wouldn’t have been complete without the continuation of our Dear Seth Rogen project. At this point, I can’t imagine my unpolished readers don’t know what I’m talking about but if for some reason you’re just tuning in, CLICK HERE to read why I invited Seth Rogen to my home in Boca Raton for lunch!
Someone sent me a picture of my son Ben this week as he attended his monthly Samaritans365 after-school meeting. I’m unpolishedly certain he was caught praying to the powers-that-be to figure out a way to reach Seth and get him to my Mitzvah Lunch! Don’t you think?