I know, I know. There hasn’t been a post in a while. Have no fear, a new blog is here! My brain has kinda been all over the place in the last several weeks. Like a mishmash. In the past when I’ve written in scatterbrain form I’ve called it An Unpolished Potpourri or An Unpolished Smorgasbord. Today I will attempt to catch you up on what’s been happening by way of An Unpolished Salmagundi. It’s a fitting title seeing as though eating has been a hot topic as of late. I’m not sure if it’s the time of year that adds to the increase in my appetite or if food in general is just my Achilles’ heel. I seem to recall plenty-o-blogs about my incessant eating habits and lack of willpower relative to portion control throughout Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall.
Speaking of Fall, when you’re a Floridian it’s sometimes tough to remember the different seasons. Every day is Groundhog Day according to the humidity and the blazing heat. Even when Mother Nature tricks us into thinking a cool breeze on the morning horizon is here to stay, she’s really only punking us; because by high noon it’s back to Africa hot temperatures and we all look like a bunch of morons sporting around town in knee-high boots and cashmere!
The weather is not a reliable gauge to determine the current season but I’ll tell you what is….
‘Tis The Season For The Unpolished Traffic Reason
The snowbirds. They’re backkkkkkkkkk. And so are their cars. Jesus Christ, so are their cars! The city of Boca Raton has been infiltrated with automobiles and there’s no way around it. Literally. It took me fifty-seven minutes to get from Point A to Point B last week. The distance between these two points was 6.8 miles and it took me FIFTY-SEVEN minutes to arrive at my final destination. Unacceptable.
It’s my own fault for picking Glades Road as my route of choice but nevertheless it shouldn’t take almost an hour to drive less than seven miles. Back in my glory days of running, I practically could have gotten there faster had I hoofed it!
Adding a fire truck to the mix is always a nice touch. Why settle for just bumper to bumper traffic when you can include an array of honks and loud sirens to the frustration?
Seth Rogen Follow Up: Asked And Answered
Okay, so remember the letters I wrote to Seth Rogen and his wife Lauren? How could you not? I essentially stalked him and his team at Hilarity For Charity to get a RSVP for lunch at my house in an effort to help KICK ALZ IN THE BALLS. Alzheimer’s Disease that is! So here’s what happened: Seth and Lauren did not show up to my Mitzvah lunch in person but they did deliver a Mitzvah indeed! Seth and Lauren sent a personalized video clip thanking our group for supporting their cause which I was able to show at the lunch.
A mitzvah was certainly had by all and we managed to raise a nice chunk of change which will directly aid those suffering with Alzheimer’s and dementia. I plan to stay in touch with the Rogens like white on rice and unpolishedly up the ante with my
stalking pleading so they’ll have no option but to show face in the flesh next year!
Battle Of The Bartenders: Sophia’s Hope
My charitable albeit unpolished contributions are not limited solely to Alzheimer’s and dementia. The other night I put my drinking skills on hold and focused on my pouring skills as I made myself comfortable on the other side of the bar! I happily played bartendress for the evening at Biergarten, a quirky watering hole and local hotspot featuring live entertainment and a variety of craft and bottled beers all for the benefit of Sophia’s Hope.
“Sofia’s Hope, Inc. is designed to give children with cancer and their families hope, strength and guidance as they start this journey. It is for all the families that become members of a club they never expected to join but find they have no other choice but to accept the membership and take each day as it comes. Through this organization we hope to be able to:
- Raise Pediatric Cancer awareness and the fact that children are dying every day waiting for promising new treatments
- Fund pediatric cancer research and advances in treatment, especially as it relates to their long-term effects (including prevention, detection and treatment)
- Help fund programs that have been proven to enhance the quality of life of children with cancer (ie, equestrian lessons, art lessons , etc.)
Sofia’s Hope, Inc. is dedicated to the over 13,000 children diagnosed each year with cancer and their families!”
It was an honor to participate and pitch in for such an important cause. Big thanks to my unpolished peeps for showing up to drink while I poured!
Crying + Laughing = CRAUGHING
Hands down there’s nothing better than laughing so hard your stomach aches and you can’t breathe. You can’t force it; you can’t expect it. It just happens. For me, when the organic laughter turns to saltwater tears that’s when I know I’ve hit an unpolished peak. The high of laughing to the point of no return is as good as any synthetic drug and like synthetic drugs, it can be addicting. The other day I found myself in a situation with a tableful of ladies and we laughed our asses off until we cried. For reals. We were craughing. I’m not even sure the topic was all that funny but sometimes when you’re in the right place at the right time under the right circumstances the stars are aligned and you can’t help but to lose yourself in unplanned, uncensored and genuine unpolished hysteria! The best part? Once it starts, it’s hard to stop! Sign me up for that addiction all day long. “Hi, my name is Silver Unpolished and I’m a craughaholic!” If you crave the craughing as much as I do, let’s enable each other and find the funny together. The craughter is our crack. No need to rehab! No way. Not ever.
The last several weeks have been made up of various small moments. I love small moments because like craughing, small moments are unexpected. Nobody plans for small moments, right? It’s the big moments we plan for and in doing so, we tend to sometimes end up disappointed. I find there are no disappointments with small moments because you don’t even know they’re happening until you’re in the moment. The cool thing about a small moment is there’s a wide range of variety. An unsolicited “I love you” from one of my kids. Getting through an afternoon of elementary grade homework with little to no casualties. A freshly made pot of hot coffee waiting in the kitchen I didn’t have to brew. Texting your best friend at precisely the same time he or she is texting you to relay the same exact message. Getting through an entire meal without inhaling the basket of bread. Actually, getting through an entire meal without inhaling the basket of bread is a tremendous moment but I digress! Individually, small moments are just small moments but if you take the time to look at them collectively they become enormously special moments and THAT is big!
If you know me at all, you know I’m a word nerd which means I get jacked when I can add a new one to my vernacular. This week I learned the word sobriquet and it’s quickly become my new favorite locution! In as much as I love nicknames, this term is doubly exciting to me! Since familiarizing myself with the definition, I’ve attempted to work it into as many conversations as possible! Yes, I know I’m a word nerd! It’s one of my sobriquets!
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… I’ve got a lot of new things ready to launch in the weeks ahead, of which is my recently developed idea called “Dear Silver Unpolished.” Think of it as Dear Abby on a double dose of ADHD meds! Write me about your problems and concerns; ask me your questions. Tell me what’s on your mind. No topic is off limits and I promise to answer as unpolishedly as possible! Confidentiality is key so of course I’ll keep your name out of it while I get into it! Let me hear your issues and I’ll break it down, turn it around and point out the unpolished fun in the dysFUNction of it all. Who cares what Ryan Lochte would do? I’ll tell you what Silver would do! C’mon people, I don’t want to hear crickets; I wanna hear the buzz! It’ll be a salmagundi of unpolished advice! Who wants to go first?
11 responses to “An Unpolished Salmagundi”
You’re killing it, Silver. See you at the funeral!
@Bethany…. I’ll actually go first. Here’s an example of a Dear Silver Unpolished I would write to Silver Unpolished looking for clarity if I wasn’t Silver Unpolished herself:
Dear Silver Unpolished, I had the oddest dream last night. I dreamt I was in therapy with a new doctor but when I got to the office for our first appointment I found myself in a New York City abandoned loft where patients were being seen cafeteria style. When it was my turn for our hour sesh which really only ends up being forty minutes long (what a racket), I was greeted by the lady who shampoos my hair at the salon I frequent. Confused but trying not to have preconceived notions of her talk-therapy skills, I willingly followed her to our “table.” As it turns out, the shampoo gig was only to help pay off a katrillion years worth of student loans as she now has every degree known to mankind and feels confident she can help me with my unpolishedness. Silver, WHAT THE FUCK does this dream mean? Please channel your inner Robert De Niro and “ANALYZE THAT!” Signed, Freshly Shampooed But Head Twisted In Braid
I would have also added that the shampoo girl then turned into a trout.
I guess I know where uncontrolled laugh got its start.
@Dad, yes you do. It’s genetic!
Silver I am honored to have craughed with you this week!!! This was the mother lode of blogs encompassing a PLETHORA of hawt topics!!!!!! This one I fully understood!!! Xxxx
@LD Plethora. Another one of my favorite words as evidenced in a previous blog post titled, A Plethora Of Unpolished Personalities!
This is great! Here’s to lots of craughing and new million dollar vocabulary words!
I do believe I had you craughing as well!!!!
@Whitney, You most certainly did. And spitting. And snorting. Please continue to do that often!