Dear Silver Unpolished,

With the holiday season upon us I am grateful for all the good in my life. However, I can’t help but seem more uptight than usual. You see, my family from New York is arriving tomorrow morning for Thanksgiving and as you would say, I’m an “unpolished” wreck! I know I should be happy all of us get the opportunity to spend this time together but it’s the “all of us” and the “together” part that’s freaking me out. I’ve secretly placed my over/under on how long before the screaming starts. Am I crazy or do you get like this around the holiday time also?  

Signed,

Too Turkey To Tell You My Real Name

Dear Too Turkey,

Yes, you very well might be crazy, but it sure as hell isn’t because you’re freaking out “Hurricane Family” is about to hit. In my unpolished opinion, your feelings of apprehension are completely  normal. Doesn’t everyone wig out in the days leading up to a CAT-5? Suffice it to say, prior to my storm making landfall, I too get worked up.

The name of the holiday may change but the scenario rarely does. Things start off fairly smooth as everyone is on [unspoken] alert to bring their best behavior forward. The initial calm is quite refreshing yet we all know the increase of gale force winds and high squalls is imminent. While exchanging pleasantries with a cousin whom you haven’t seen since the last family hurricane, you notice out of the corner of your eye the surge appears to be getting stronger on the other side of the room. Oh Jesus. Here it comes. That didn’t take long. We haven’t even finished our appetizers and there’s trouble ahead. Jumping into unchartered waters is not a smart move and though you knowwwww it would be best to take cover by hiding in the one windowless bathroom reserved for tumultuous weather of this very nature you still can’t resist wanting to witness the monsoon.

At this point, the minor brouhaha over nothing that even remotely matters on any level has caught the attention of others and has now completely turned into a barrage of varying opinions. The disturbance in the atmosphere has picked up momentum and in a flash the eye of storm crashes right into the living room!  It’s a direct hit!  

This holiday season try to remember the dynamics of family togetherness always appear better on paper than they do in person! With that in mind, why not have a little fun with the dysFUNction? After all, ‘life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass it’s about getting out there and dancing in the rain!’  

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… Forget the flashlights and bottled water. Instead, might I suggest stocking up on your unpolished sense of humor and of course your wet bar!

Gobble Gobble or as the unpolished people say, Gimlet Gimlet….

Happy Thanksgiving 2015

xox

Silver