Throughout my childhood I spent countless time at Marni’s house. Marni was my best friend and she and her family treated me as if I was one of their own. There was always a reserved spot for me up on the third floor when I wanted to sleep over and I had a space saved on the couch in the sunken family room downstairs when I wanted to veg out for hours on end.
I don’t remember a time when Ellen, Marni’s Mom, didn’t share her tremendous heart and soul with me as if I was a third daughter.
My memories of Ellen are as vivid today as when she used to host an open house on Thanksgiving and feed an army of mouths inclusive of not just my family but also a widespread extension of friends and neighbors. My memories are as clear today as when she measured and marked my ears with a black Sharpie® so as to ensure the gun which would pierce my lobes hit with acute precision. She fed me a spoonful of sugar relative to how the split second procedure wouldn’t hurt and how it would be a piece of cake. When I cried afterwards and complained how excruciating the pain was, she laughed all knowingly while still exuding empathy. “Of course it hurt. But if I had told you the truth about the gnawing sting you would have chickened out. Now it’s done and behind you. Your ears are pierced and you look beautiful! You’re very welcome!” My memories of Ellen are as fresh today as when she used to teach Marni and I how to bake in her kitchen. Much like her personality, she knew how to balance sweet and savory while still managing to add the perfect dash of special spice for an added kick! I never really cared about learning how to bake; I cared more about just being in her company and absorbing her infectious positive energy.
To know Ellen was to love Ellen. She was a force to be reckoned with and in a league of her own. Ellen was bold. Ellen was fearless. Ellen was a powerhouse of sass and pizzazz. She was as spicy as a fireball and had the strawberry blonde hair to back it up! And yet there was no one as kind and inviting and ever so generous as Ellen. To me, she was the “original” Ellen DeGENEROUS!
If my memory recollects, Ellen loved to share wisdom through old wives’ tales and expressions. One standout in particular was the phrase, “These are my Mother’s hands.” She would take one hand over the over and slowly slide the hand on top back over her sleeve and say with conviction, ”These are my Mother’s hands.” The first time I heard her say it I didn’t know what she was talking about. “Ellen, what does that even mean,” I asked. Her reply was direct. “It means we are where we come from. We grow from our roots. We become who are Mothers’ are.”
She only had to say it once because her lesson was understood. It made sense to me and she was right.
We are where we come from. We grow from our roots. We become who are Mothers’ are.
If we are among the lucky ones to have a Mother whom is selfless enough to plant the seeds of guidance through their wisdom and support us with unconditional love then the fruits of their labor ultimately result in valuable lessons learned. If we are smart enough to capitalize on what we are already prone to inherit, we end up living our lives according to the sound beliefs of where we come from which make up our family cloth. This then facilitates the opportunity to teach the next generation and it gets passed down to the next and the next and so on and so on hence, these are my Mother’s hands.
While I am so very lucky to have my own Mother who has taught me pretty much everything I know and I’m beyond grateful for what she still continues to teach me on a daily basis, Ellen played an incredibly vital role during my most formidable years. The lessons she taught me are precious and ones I am proud to preserve.
In the fall of 1995, at the young age of fifty-one, Ellen lost her life to cancer. What she didn’t lose however, was her profound spirit which unquestionably lives on in those who loved her. She was revered by all and even after twenty-three years without her physical presence, she is never far from my mind.
With Mother’s Day approaching, the emphasize on family is heightened. Over the years and most notably over the recent months and weeks, several of my friends have had to face the loss of their own Mothers. Whether watching a parent suffer through a long battle of illness or a shocking tragedy that hits hard from left field, I’ve witnessed their insurmountable pain. And while it would be presumptuous of me to truly know exactly how they feel, my heart mourns along with them.
Though death is a natural part of the cycle of life, I am a strong believer in keeping the essence of our loved ones alive by memorializing them. Continuing to live life according to the traditions and values we’ve been taught is a sound and notable way to honor their memory. By sharing stories, listening to their favorite music and perpetuating hobbies and interests which mattered most are just the tip of the iceberg in saluting those we’ve lost.
My friend Marni continues to carry on her Mother’s legacy by sharing a piece of Ellen’s passion. Not long along ago a box arrived at my front door. To my surprise it was a package from Marni. She had started a business to pay homage to her beloved Mother. Marni’s Mustard® embodies all that Ellen was; sweet and spicy in every mouthful.
When I read the note I laughed and I cried because it was spot on. Marni had relayed her Mother’s unpolished sentiments to a tee and it brought me right back to her kitchen table flooded with memories from my childhood.
So this year on Mother’s Day, I ask you to hold dear all the Mothers who are still on this Earth and remind them how much they are needed and appreciated and loved. And to all of my special friends who have had to say goodbye to your own Mothers prematurely, I ask you look down at your hands and always remember she is here with you, as those are and will always be your Mother’s hands.
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… Marni’s Sweet & Spicy Mustard® is available for sale should you wish to indulge in the deliciousness. Orders can be placed by calling or texting Marni directly at 732-995-1904. For more information, check out her Instagram @marnigindismustard.
17 responses to “These Are My Mother’s Hands”
Perfect post for Mother’s Day! I hope you have a happy mothers day too Silver!!!
Awesome!!! Happy Mother’s Day!!!
Beautiful. Made me think about my second home growing up. My best friends mom helped me get fitted for my first bra! It does take a village of people to grow you up and moms in our lives rock! Friends moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters. We are all family and lucky to have had them. Happy Mother’s Day to everyone who touched our lives growing up and to my amazing mom who I get to see every day xo
Rachel- this is beautiful. What a special tribute to your friend’s mother and mothers in general. Keep writing, you do it so well. Happy Mother’s Day hon!
Rach, this made me cry….one of your best by far & so bittersweet.
I love you
Your mom is touched❤️
This was beautiful. It reminded me of my own mother with whom I’ve been without since 2006. I remember shopping for a suit for her funeral and this mother and daughter were shipping and she said”MA, look at this”. I remember how that stung, how my stomach turned and how angry i was that would never say that again. I often look at my hands and say i love them because they look just like my mothers. Thank you. Xo
Absolutely beautiful. Wouldn’t expect anything less from you .
Just fantastic!! The best! Brought tears to my eyes!
Beautiful!!!!!! Loved this!!
I love your blog Rachel.. this article is absolutely beautiful and touching and perfect for Mother’s Day… life is short especially with those we love !! Happy mamas day to you !!!! Xoxox
Rachel, SO_O_O_O beautiful! I’m teary eyed. Your message is beautiful. Aunt Barbara
Beautifully written, as always… Happy Mother’s Day, Rach.
Once again, you hit it on the nail. Thank you for writing and sharing !
Beautiful sentiment…I’m sharing with my mom! Happy mother’s day to you!
I started to read this at work but I didn’t think it woul be cool do the receptionist to be sobbing at her desk. I just read it entirely and it touched me to my core. So glad to finally have met you. You truly have a gift
Dear Rachel, I moved to Jersey in 1974 and joined the Deal Hadassah Bowling League I immediately became best friends with 2 wonderful sisters. Sue Sager and Ellen Schlesinger. In addition to bowling we spent every Wed playing Mahjong. I too was invited to every Thanksgiving dinner with my family
I watched Jenny and Marni grow up,went to their Bat Mitzvah s and to Marnis wedding and all the brisses. I received 2 jars of mustard every year from Ellen and then from Susie. After Ellen was gone
I still have a tiny jar in my fridg that is many years old but I can’t bare to throw it away
I recently had lunch with Sabrina Sager who sent me your wonderful tribute to Ellen. Thank you so much I know that Ellen would be so proud of the caring woman you have become
Sincerely. Shelly Djmal