Fellow Floridians, how was your summer? Wait, what summer? Do you even remember the summer? It seems like ages ago, right? Right! And while the New Yorkers are just now posting pictures of their kids’ first days back to school we’ve already been out sick once, missed the bus twice, had three tests, four quizzes and skipped a Friday for no other reason than to get a head start on some well needed weekend relaxation!
I’d Say We’re Unpolishedly Back to Life!
Here’s a quick top ten list of what’s been on my mind since the grind began:
10. Of all the fashion trends to come back in style, why the high-waisted jeans?
9. If I wasn’t already technologically impaired, I am now even more crippled with the burden of having to follow school assignments through Google Classroom. I’m already failing the semester just trying to log on. Actually, that’s not true. You’d have to know your password in order to do that. The likelihood of knowing my password is not likely at all.
8. Remember when you wished someone a Happy Birthday on Facebook simply by writing the words, Happy Birthday? Apparently the protocol has drastically changed. It seems now you have to post artwork in the form of a highly sophisticated photo collage in order to prove the level of friendship. There might not be anything dumber.
7. I dare you to name a better companion than Netflix. Netflix is funny when I need to laugh and serious when I want to expand my horizons. Netflix has an uncanny way of getting my attention, sparking my many interests across a broad range of topics and most notably Netflix always keeps me stimulated. Who’s better than Netflix? Exactly.
6. Ozark fans: Remember in Season One when we initially thought Marty Byrde was the greatest character short of Walter White? Don’t worry, Jason Bateman is still the man who knows how to effortlessly without once raising his voice above a whisper weasel his way in and out of trouble; but if you haven’t already dove in for Season Two just wait! Without giving up any spoilers, get ready to be blown away by the women of the Ozarks. Wendy Byrde is a beast mode bad ass bitch who doesn’t disappoint and don’t underestimate the Ruthless-bat-shit-crazy-Langmore or Darlene-if you-see-her-coming-run-in-the-other-direction-Snell.
5. Fellas: What happened to wearing nice shoes when you get dressed to go out? Why do grown men wear sneakers all the time? Even Mister Rogers knew to change his shoes when he was done playing.
4. I’d doubt anyone would argue Sasha Baron Cohen isn’t a genius who breaks barriers and pushes envelopes like no other. His latest work featured on Showtime® crosses both boundaries and party lines in thee most unpolished of ways. To say it’s so wrong it’s right is an understatement. His exposé of the diverse men and women who populate our country will undoubtedly make you say, WHO IS AMERICA?
3. NEW SEASON OF WENTWORTH HITS NETFLIX WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5th, 2018. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, get with the program literally and figuratively! You’re welcome in advance.
2. Little is more exciting than #3 on my list. It warrants repeating. NEW SEASON OF WENTWORTH HITS NETFLIX WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5th, 2018.
1. Dear Kiki, I don’t care if you love me. Please go away.
JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…
9 responses to “Unpolishedly Back To Life”
you are hysterical! Thank you for keeping me entertained while I have my morning coffee and avoid packing school lunches:))
Fabulous as always!
Omg rach- thanks for making me laugh!!!!!
As usual I think it’s perfect.Dad
Thank you…never watched Wentworth before and now I’m hooked!
Keep em coming!
Always spot fucking on!
Amazing as always. Must confess haven’t started wentworth but clearly I need to ?
OMG!!! Are you in my head? You’re right nothing is better than Netflix!!! I love Went worth! It makes “orange is the new black “ look like preschool. Thank you for your witty column. ….nonetheless I still ❤️ Kiki!!!