Dear Hot European Photographer Guy At Starbucks:

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW… 

Don’t worry about me.  Really,  I’m fine.  It’s totally okay you didn’t even blink in my direction while approaching the table of beautiful, nineteen-year-old girls who were sitting next to me.  They were beautiful, indeed.  I’ll give you that.  I know you couldn’t let the opportunity pass by without telling them they should pursue a modeling career.  I mean, it would be a crime otherwise.  That’s why you were here at Starbucks in the first place right?  It’s your job.  This is your office.  You come to scout out the fresh, young talent.  I get it.

I didn’t want to be America’s Next Top Model anyway.  Seriously, I didn’t.  I don’t.  Runway coach Miss J. would most likely change around my whole catwalk and I hear Tyra is a raging bitch.  Our personalities would clash, and the relationship would no doubt become contentious.  I don’t need that in my life.

However, when you were fumbling over your words and searching frantically for a pen to exchange cell phone numbers, I would have happily put down my Asiago & Cheddar Pretzel to loan you one of mine.

N-N-NO… Reallllly.  Stop.  I’m fine.  It doesn’t count if you ask to borrow a pen now.  Don’t turn this around to make me feel badly that you feel badly.  That tactic only works on someone who’s oh I don’t know… nineteen?!?

But Mr. Photographer, I’m just wondering…out of curiosity, would things have been different had I ordered the Cranberry-Orange Scone?  I was debating back and forth before making my final decision.  Yah, that’s gotta be where I went wrong.  I probably should’ve gone for the scone.  It’s the more European choice;  More so than the cheese pretzel but what can I say?  When I fly by the seat of my pants my gut instinct always picks the more unpolished option.  I bet if models ever actually ate food, they’d eat a scone.

See, it’s better that I stay undiscovered.

The dietary restrictions of this job are already making me bent out of shape.  Literally.  The pretzel was beyond.  I could never give that up.  I tasted both the asiago AND the cheddar cheese.  I know, I was shocked too!  I figured the flavor would lean more towards the cheddar with only a hint of asiago, so you can imagine what a bonus it was when the asiago held its own.  Winning!

So Mr. Hot European Photographer Guy, let’s not drag this out any longer.  Though you drive a hard bargain, I don’t think this modeling thing is for me.  I appreciate the offer.  Really I do.  I’m flattered.  Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to take a pass.  All this negotiating has worked up my appetite into something fierce.  I think I better get on line to beat the late afternoon rush of caff-“TEENS”; or caff-“feigns.”  You KNOWWWW what I mean!? 

I’m crossing my fingers there’ll be a hot batch of cheese pretzels by the time I make it to the counter, and for your sake, here’s hoping those (hot batch of) girls you stalked today get permission from their parents before calling you back!

Unpolishedly Yours,

Silver