JUST TO LET YOU KNOW…
Don’t worry about me. Really, I’m fine. It’s totally okay you didn’t even blink in my direction while approaching the table of beautiful, nineteen-year-old girls who were sitting next to me. They were beautiful, indeed. I’ll give you that. I know you couldn’t let the opportunity pass by without telling them they should pursue a modeling career. I mean, it would be a crime otherwise. That’s why you were here at Starbucks in the first place right? It’s your job. This is your office. You come to scout out the fresh, young talent. I get it.
I didn’t want to be America’s Next Top Model anyway. Seriously, I didn’t. I don’t. Runway coach Miss J. would most likely change around my whole catwalk and I hear Tyra is a raging bitch. Our personalities would clash, and the relationship would no doubt become contentious. I don’t need that in my life.
However, when you were fumbling over your words and searching frantically for a pen to exchange cell phone numbers, I would have happily put down my Asiago & Cheddar Pretzel to loan you one of mine.
N-N-NO… Reallllly. Stop. I’m fine. It doesn’t count if you ask to borrow a pen now. Don’t turn this around to make me feel badly that you feel badly. That tactic only works on someone who’s oh I don’t know… nineteen?!?
But Mr. Photographer, I’m just wondering…out of curiosity, would things have been different had I ordered the Cranberry-Orange Scone? I was debating back and forth before making my final decision. Yah, that’s gotta be where I went wrong. I probably should’ve gone for the scone. It’s the more European choice; More so than the cheese pretzel but what can I say? When I fly by the seat of my pants my gut instinct always picks the more unpolished option. I bet if models ever actually ate food, they’d eat a scone.
See, it’s better that I stay undiscovered.
The dietary restrictions of this job are already making me bent out of shape. Literally. The pretzel was beyond. I could never give that up. I tasted both the asiago AND the cheddar cheese. I know, I was shocked too! I figured the flavor would lean more towards the cheddar with only a hint of asiago, so you can imagine what a bonus it was when the asiago held its own. Winning!
So Mr. Hot European Photographer Guy, let’s not drag this out any longer. Though you drive a hard bargain, I don’t think this modeling thing is for me. I appreciate the offer. Really I do. I’m flattered. Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to take a pass. All this negotiating has worked up my appetite into something fierce. I think I better get on line to beat the late afternoon rush of caff-“TEENS”; or caff-“feigns.” You KNOWWWW what I mean!?
I’m crossing my fingers there’ll be a hot batch of cheese pretzels by the time I make it to the counter, and for your sake, here’s hoping those (hot batch of) girls you stalked today get permission from their parents before calling you back!